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Mental Resilience

My one and only New Year's resolution for this year was to become mentally resilient. I asked a friend what theirs was, and somehow forgot that the question usually gets flipped back around, I didn’t know anything else I could say, so Mental Resilience it was! I have, like many other people, for years said the same things with new year's resolutions, being more fit, eating better, making more money, ect. I had never thought about what growth I could look for Mentally. Long story short, with the first six months of the year, it got a whole lot worse before just now, over the last couple months or so, getting better. I am proud of myself for saying that Christmas eve of last year, and even prouder of myself now for actively acting on it. Can't wait to see how much more I can grow as another 6 months comes and goes. 

Resilience means something somewhat different from person to person, for me it’s a whole bunch of various things but among the most important is to give myself grace, understand more than to be understood, and to never, ever, listen to the thoughts inside my head. 

When you think about your very best friends and goals and ambitions they might have for themselves, you are there to push them, but on their hardest of days you are also there to hold them up, you are easily capable of reminding them to breath, reminding them they won't always be perfect, and reminding them that not being perfect is ok. You give them grace. For ourselves we hold the expectations too high, we are too critical, too hurtful. We lack the grace that long term gets us where we want to be much faster and with much more of a result than we could ever imagine. A goal even as simple as your life and trying to become a better human-being. I have just recently learned that when you can consciously give yourself grace, you are so much more capable to start back up again, sooner, and with more confidence coming out of those days. Before, I've gotten to the point where when things do get too tough and overwhelming, and I can't understand how I might or might not do something, I crash and believe all of the negative in my head. I believe all things are possible, if only I were just a stronger person. I get into a low, and it takes me days, or weeks to build up any kind of courage to start back up. Give yourself grace, always, in everything you do. Mental resilience is grace because we are flawed, and because so many days will be hard. We can have those hard days just like those around us do too.

I am a highly sensitive person. Sometimes worse than other times. I take a lot to heart, and so much initiative with conversations or relationships revolves around me. What are they saying to ME, what are they doing to ME or for ME, I could probably write a hundred blogs of a hundred different examples of how a conversation or a comment altered differently in my brain because of my sensitivity and in turn made me more insecure and weaker mentally because I never approach anything with the probability that they could have meant something totally different. Arguments with a sensitive and stubborn person, like myself, even when dwindled, you are always wrong to them, you were always the hurtful one to them. Understand first, don't take everything personally, you are just one person in this world, it doesn't revolve around you. Having stopped, I believe at least significantly, taking things to heart immediately, means like I said previously, I am less hurt and triggered to something being wrong with me. I  don't believe as much of my own understanding and am not weighed by opinions of myself made by little comments or parts of conversations that had no real meaning towards me or in general. I am more resilient to little meaningless comments. 

Which leads perfectly into never listening to your thoughts, I don't mean every thought, just the obviously bad ones. Definitely never say anything you think. They are THOUGHTS, and most should stay that way. I've written before about being stuck in my head, I'm an over-thinker, and over-analyzer. It kills your mental toughness to think something, believe it to any degree, and to say it out loud. It makes it ring that much more true. I wrote in my last blog, how your thoughts affect the way you feel and in turn how you feel affects what actions you take, and consistent actions whether good or bad affect future thoughts. It's a cycle, jump in and give yourself a break. It used to be up until only a couple short months ago that when I woke up first thing in the morning, and saw myself, I didn't like what I saw. I felt ugly, I could point out a flaw I saw in every part of myself. Not just physically, but in everything I did, I was so quick to think negatively first in an attempt to not mess up, or appear weak. When I went out in public, I was critical of everything I did, in conversations I had, in classes, in my jobs. We are always going to have the gear set to where we think the worst but hope for the best. It's not always a bad thing, but out of the thousands of thoughts our brain generates for us each day, we have to immediately take the 80% that are negative lightly. We have to understand that we are not of the best judgment for everything. Among those bad thoughts whether it be about yourself or your surroundings, another majority of it isn't true, and never will be. It’s also funny how we always question when things or situations are good but never if they are bad. 

When I was a little girl I believed I was the prettiest thing ever, I had the confidence that I was absolutely gorgeous. I have hardly any memory of my home life or life in general when I was younger so I can't say where such a strong attitude originated, but I knew my worth, I was resilient. At one point in school, a little boy called me ugly, I remember this very vividly. He called me ugly and then called a girl nearby pretty. That's where comparison started, where questioning myself started. A few years later I found the internet and social media, that's when I really started to care. When people saw a certain standard the best and I didnt know where I fell because I wasnt that, I started to care even more. This is the same with most women or men. Our thoughts don't originate the same as how we think now, they haven't always been hurtful. As much bad we have let into our cycle, we can start to change and enforce good. Imagine what outcomes we'd have when facing challenges if we were that resilient again, when there seemed to be no limitations or expectations.

Success for me right now is to become mentally resilient. That doesn't mean I'll always have good days, or that I won't still have those bad thoughts. I just know now I have the authority to continue to help my future self and in a domino effect help someone around me, and so forth. Go back to being that little girl or little boy in some sense and know you are just an absolute gorgeous human being. Remember how we are made in the image of GOD! You will eventually start feeling and acting it, and you'll be able to handle those “tough” times or thoughts with more ease.

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